Don't Call Me I'll Call You!

I had a professor in one of my undergraduate sociology classes state the following, "Never underestimate the Power of Touch". At the time, I believe I actually rolled my eyes and thought 'Whatever'... let's move along, please. In retrospect, I believe the professor was actually onto something. I can social network until my hearts "content", but without the physical face to face interaction with my family, friends, and professional colleagues, I am not fulfilling my basic human need for a real human connection. I spend a great deal of time on my pc - particularly the Internet being social and networking with a vast array of people for my job. It's a nice supplement to my 3-D world. However, through being socially connected-virtually, I never want to express the following message (to those in my network), "Don't Call Me, I'll Call You" by not replying to a post, not attempting to connect in a real world setting, or by simply only communicating on a social network. Honestly, who wants to be friends with someone whom they never see, hear, or touch (meaning a handshake, pat on the shoulder, or hug). We are not designed that way. And, for those non-huggers out there ... Even people who "don't like to hug" - like to hug -someone. In summary, be social, be connected, type away until your fingers "bleed", but please remember to be available - be present, in your relationships with people you care about (virtually and in reality). If you don't really want to keep in contact with someone, then don't! It's not fair to lead someone on as though you want to be friends, acquaintances, etc... just so you can have multiple connections on all your social sites. That is called Narcissism - plain and simple. In the end, no one wants to be sociable with the "I/Me" guy/gal who's constantly saying,"Don't Call Me I'll Call You!" Eventually, they get what they want - solitude.

Economic Woes can make way for Quality Time

We are living in a different time, now. The economy has tanked! We all know it. (Unless, you have been living under a rock). Tensions are extremely high and frankly, relationships are probably the last thing on any one's mind. Here's the caveat: "They should be". Today is the best time to start working on those relationships that have been placed on the back burner for so long: while climbing the corporate ladder to put more money in the 401k (that may no longer exist...?) saving up to buy a larger home, or paying for the kids to have the next latest and greatest gadget on the market. Our personal relationships (with our spouses, kids, family and friends) may have suffered due to a lack of quality time.

All is not lost, we can still rebuild whatever is depleted (regarding our relationships). It simply takes a few steps towards making a difference.

1) Start a Conversation ( There's no set format or topic that's a "home run" just get started with something that is a 'common' interest, i.e. sports, the arts, or anything neutral - (nothing which will bring known stress to the other person). Silence is okay, too. It offers time for people to listen.

2) Make a Date: Schedule an activity for you and the other person to spend some time together. It doesn't have to be a long drawn out affair. It could be something as simple as lunch or a coffee break. As well, it could be as elaborate as attending an event for your child (that otherwise, you were unable to make do to other obligations (like work) in the past.

3) Follow Up: It's important to receive feedback on the date from the individual who was apart of it. As well, respond in-kind with your thoughts. Stay Positive.

4) Keep In Touch: Do not drop the ball with a one time offer that has an expiration date on it, i.e. If the conversation doesn't go well the first time, try again. If The date doesn't go as planned, don't stop trying.

5) Extend an Open Invitation: Your attitude makes a difference. Staying positive shows, especially with regard to non-verbal behavior. Let the people you care about know you are available for them, should they want to start a conversation and potentially make a date with you.

Sometimes we have to Recharge to Relate

It's been just over a month since my last post and well, frankly I needed to listen to my own advice. I needed to recharge (my own psyche) to relate to my posts. Interestingly enough, it doesn't matter if you're a 9-5'r or Bill Gates, everyone needs to take time to "smell the roses". The alternative to one not taking a break from one's personal routine is not pretty. The result of not taking time for a little R&R is actually detrimental to your personal health, professional career, and you got it - your relationships with others. It has been stated time and time again, you have to take care of yourself, first; then you can 'take care' of others. Most folks frown at this sentiment because it comes across as a selfish endeavor. However, it is anything but selfish. If you don't believe me, then... try it. (I don't recommend it). If you place 110% of your energy towards doing for others, guess what? - There's nothing left for you. There's nothing left to recharge your energy to continue those... personal goals, professional accomplishments, and lastly - relationships with people who are important to you. We are social beings. We like to be active through our personal and professional lives, often donating our time to efforts we care about. That's wonderful; we should continue 'good will' towards others. Just remember to be good to yourself; recharge yourself - first, so you can relate (to others) and enjoy the "fruits of your labor" - those relationships that you've worked so diligently hard to create and cultivate.

Relationships Blossom and Fade like the Seasons of our Lives

It's important to have relationships. It's truly a necessity to living a healthy happy life. Many studies have proven this point. Recently, I discovered it is equally important to stow the 'old' established relationships as it is to creating new ones. (Hold on, Stay with me for a minute on this one) ... I am not saying "do away" with any relationship you may have established. Goodness, NO - You wouldn't throw a diamond away. Would you? Relationships take time, effort and often many many years of understanding. You just don't "do away" with that sort of gift. With that stated, I am saying sometimes, a relationship is often better when left to ferment (for a period of time) as with a fine wine or a nice bourbon. Like the seasons of our lives we need different things (characteristics of each relationship) at different times. We all have relationships that have become stale over a period of time. Well, what's the solution? Toss the relationship? No, let it fade for a season. It will blossom again. This is the part (of a relationship), I often refer to as the 'cultivating' of a relationship. It is what makes some relationships more meaningful. Simply stated, You will probably enjoy it more. It will seem more important, even Special to you. You'll ask yourself, What's different?" It's just the season. Interestingly enough, not all relationships need this sort of dormancy, but some do. Take it in stride and use the time to make a new relationship. You'll be glad you did.

Keep It Real

So many times, we think we have to "put our best foot forward" when in reality we simply just have to put it out for someone (ideally, the one we intended) to see. Recently, I have had several encounters (be it shopping, dining with friends, or walking - my normal exercise routine) where people just want to talk (what I often refer to as 'visit' - being from the South and all). Somehow we continue to desire to have the one on one interaction with one another, even with all the modern 21st century technology available to us at a push of a button. That's great! Let's use it to get together for real substance. The tools of the 21st century are wonderful for work and often play. We need the technological assistance to make our lives better and faster. We need each other to make it - make sense and keep it real.

Think before you Speak - Your Type!

Is Social etiquette dead? Now that we live in a world that is socially connected 24-7 - Do we care about what we say? How we say it? And lastly, to whom we say it? Are we so obsessed with being networked that we don't care about the cost associated with the "crash and burn" or "sticking our proverbial foot in mouth". (I don't mean $. However that could be affected.) I am referring to the simple idea of using basic common sense. I am a socially connected individual, but I would never think that means I am entitled to say whatever I want - whenever I want. In my opinion, it's ignorant (which means - You don't know) and it spells disaster! Any potential communication and more importantly relationships (establishing and cultivating them) goes out the door. Here's the point: DO NOT ASSUME, anything when meeting someone /speaking to someone for the first time (especially, when it is a virtual reality - scenario).

Ways to keep your integrity while being a socially networked guru.

1) Assume - Nothing (Diversity is abound!)
2) Be polite and unobtrusive (Someone who has Class is someone people want to get to know.)
3) Patience is a Virtue (Pushy people seem desperate - No one wants to seem desperate.)

Enjoy today, contact an old friend or make a new one.

Socially Networked - "Virtually"

Yes, it may seem odd to make the following observation on a social networking site, but someone has to ask the question, "Are we socially networking ourselves to the point of isolation?" We have so many 'virtual' outlets such as myspace, facebook, and now twitter to be socially networked or "connected" that it is to the point it seems many people either do not know how or have forgotten the obvious "old fashion" way to be social, i.e. walk up to someone face to face, stick out your hand (for a handshake) and simply say, "Hello, my name is ..." Understand, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with the idea of being social via the Internet. The problem comes about when we as a society forget that we are human and we actually need real human interaction with one another - It's how we are made.